Any dating at any age is hard especially after coming directly out of a relationship. If that is the case:
(1) Do casual friendship process first.
(2) Don't rush
(3) Examine past mistakes. Analyze all that brought you to the point of becoming divorced or having to leave a relationship.
(4) Allow yourself to grow through those past mistakes by:.....going into counseling..... Reading self improvement books....Stay ..without a man.....long enough to realize and grow past what went wrong in the past.
(5) Realize and know that when a woman believes she "needs" a man, this is not healthy and she is not giving herself enough credit. Women if this is what you think, then it is your self esteem that is suffering!
(6) So.....do what you need to create and create to keep a better self esteem that can help you to learn to love yourself. Give yourself value. Allow yourself to grow and do things to enable you to form better self esteem! This will not take place over night.
(7) Allow yourself to heal. Know within yourself that as you choose a future relationship that you will be using healthier and different guidelines than you did in the past.
(8) Knowing you have healed from the past hurt and dysfunctions, then you will know that you have reached a point of no longer believing that you..."need" a man, but instead, at that point you will be able to...."choose" a man.....or not. If not, then know that it IS okay to be ...single...and it is okay to remain single.
(9) If you choose to go onto a dating site such as Millionaire Match, be careful what you put...out there,...for others to read. You can always share later with prospective partners, what you believe and what you don't believe.
(10) Go slow on dating sites
(11) Don't always believe everything you read or everything you are told.
(12) Be cautious.
(13) Ask questions of prospective dates or partners
(14) Remember, it is YOUR life and you want to be sure that your choices and your decisions are wise.
(15) Upon the point of meeting, meet in a public place!
(16) If something doesn't feel right or seem right, then,...it probably isn't right.
(17) Know that it is okay to walk away.
(18) Take things slowly. Don't jump in too quick!
(19) Be sure that as you go through a new dating process, that you don't do or say anything you will regret.
(20) Share, share, share
(21) Communicate, communicate, communicate.
(22) If the prospective partner won't share upfront, then that is probably a good sign the he or she is not a ...."match."
(23) Again, don't be afraid to walk away.
(24) Be safe.
(25) When you get back home, evaluate your conversation, your choice of topics or lack thereof.
(26) If you choose to keep going into the dating process, then...learn from your mistakes and learn from your negative experiences.
(27) Don't allow yourself to keep on making the same mistakes. If you do, then that means that you have not grown to the point of it being healthy for you to start dating again.
(28) Grow...read,....grow some more until you know you are mature and healthy enough to go back and start over
Good luck! Be careful and be safe!
By LadyRoyalty, Florida United States
Depending on the length of time that was involved in the relationship and if there was true feelings for each other, a relationship can be restored even if you were the one who was dumped. Even if the relationship is not restored, following these tips will strengthen you to move forward with your life.
1. Stop calling, texting, emailing your ex. Go into "invisibility mode" with them. The relationship you had with them is over and you cannot hold on to it. When you let it go, and trust me it can be one of the hardest things to do, you will become stronger. You will feel more in control because you are now choosing to move forward with your life instead of dwelling on the past.
2. Find something to occupy your time with. Re-learn yourself and your gifts/talents. By doing this you are creating strength within yourself and also the attractiveness needed to win back the attention of your ex because once you have went into "invisibility mode" with your ex, they will actually start thinking about you more often. They will wonder why you stopped communication and what is going on in your life. It will give them the chance to actually start missing you because you will be on their mind more. The earlier you do this in the break up the better.
3. Do not jump into another relationship to create jealousy. This is just bad for everyone involved. More hearts will be broken rather than healed. You need to focus on healing your heart before you can even think about getting back with your ex or starting something new. No one can move forward if they have pain that they are still dealing with in their hearts.
4. Be prepared for silence from your ex. It will take time, weeks and even months, but your ex will contact you (if they really cared about you) because they will be wondering what is going on in your life. Do not sit by the phone waiting for them to call or text. This is a complete waste of your time and energy. When they do finally call, keep it short and the less details the better. Let them do all the talking and if they start talking about the relationship, keep your answers and comments short. No emotions. Show them that you are no longer hurt and are moving on with your life. Remember be in control of the situation. After a few mins, end the call. Suggest that you talk with them again at a later time and leave it at that.
5. Focus on building a new relationship with your ex. At this point no matter what type of relationship you have with them, it is going to be new. Do not think of the past experiences with them, this will hurt you and hinder your progress. Think of it as a brand new relationship. If there is an agreement to build a friendship then focus on that, but continue to focus on yourself. Do not loose focus of the positiveness you need to create in your heart and in your life. Continue to be individual, be yourself because whether you are able to restore your relationship with your ex or not, you will need to be strong in who you are to start a relationship with anyone.
By MyHeart2Yours, Minnesota, United States
If you've just gone through a breakup, chances are you're confused and in shock that its actually over between the two of you. The first thing you must realize is, it's not the end of the world and what leaves you life certainly makes room for something better. Women are so caring and nurturing and also emotional, so we might start feeling less worthy because we give our all and sometimes it seems as it's not enough,that's our heads telling us that so it's okay to grieve and let it out and take it as a learning and growth experience. Learn to love yourself and put your energy in to something else. Never stalk or seek revenge because in the end you'll end up losing again, but this time to everyone. Keep your distance and better yourself.
The best revenge is silence and moving on with your life. Easier said than done right? It isn't easy so you have to take it one day at a time and everyday gets better with time. Trust me you will be okay. Don't answer phone calls or find reasons to call her. Think about the negative points in the relationship to help you through this.
By rachel818, California, United States
A break up is a deeply emotional life transition for most individuals. The old adage, "it takes time to heal" rings true. For longer relationships, the healing process can be months or even a year. Taking time to process the breakup and to sort out the myriad of emotions can be hard to handle. The only way "out" to the other side of the tunnel is going "through" that life tunnel. One cannot avoid the sadness or the mixed emotions. It is best to take time out alone to heal. When you are still entangled emotionally with another and start dating, you are not fully present. You are not giving yourself fully to the new person. If the dating experience is purely sexual and the other person accepts that, then the release can help some. Others can further damage their heart but creating an even more confusing social scenario.
Take time to heal. Give yourself permission to grieve. If you need touch, get a massage, go to a spa, join a gym. Get physical. It gets the seratonin (happy hormone) going. Hang with family or friends. Be patient and kind to yourself. And then, when your head clears and you can breathe again, join a dating site. It's a perfect way to find that compatible partner whether it's for casual dating or finding that special life partner.
By blissfulllife, MA, United States
Don't date if you are not over your ex. It may feel like the best thing to do is jump back into the saddle after a break up but if you haven't given yourself time to get over it, you are likely to end up sabotaging your dates. It is also likely that the emotions that are still attached to your ex will create drama in itself. Never date until you have reduced your baggage to hand luggage!
By sandiegobabe, California, United States
I think it's very hard for people to open up and be honest about their condition, whatever it might be. I've had people tell me the ex they hate has "this". It's really important not to do that to people. Spiteful disclosure can really affect someone's outlook and feelings about an already traumatic thing to deal with. Let others disclose on their own time, don't just "spread the word".
Contributed by Damniteh BC, Canada
Call your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and let them know you're there for them even though you're not together.
Be a friend instead of an enemy.
Try to be positive about the situation even though someone might have done something wrong and it hurts you but try to forgive and forget.
Advice category: Being friends after the break up call and check on each other regardless to let them know that you're still there for them and you will always love them even if they are not together. I know this doesn't work for everyone but give it a try!
By LovaBoy2010, North Carolina, United States
Breakups can tend to be a hard thing to cope with, especially if it was a long term relationship and there are ties with one another in every direction. I have recently been involved in such a situation, and have seen the damage that can be caused by either party being disrespectful and hurtful to protect themselves. This is only my opinion, but it may make sense to others as well.
Regardless of the cause or situation that may have lead to a breakup, and no matter how hard, try to have respect for the other persons life after the fact. At some point in time you cared about this person more than just a friend and he or she has to return to their previous lifestyle after everyhting is done. To go out of your way to hurt, destroy, or make harder the other persons attempts to put themself back together is disrespectful and immature. whether you or them caused the breakup, it is unfair to one another to hurt them more by making there life more difficult to make yourself feel better about the situation. It can casue a lot of pain and hurt to someone especially if there are mutual friends and ties that both people have to be involved in.
By ryan1984, California, United States
After the loss of a loved partner, be it to the dissolving of a relationship,divorce, or death, be sure to give yourself time to heal. Jumping too quickly into a new relationship may be a recipe for failure. The best relationships happen when both people are feeling stable and strong. The pain of the loss will fade with time. Trying to "move on" too quickly can cause pain for you and those you choose date. Give the gift of a whole healthy you to your new potential partners. It will mean more success for and better outcomes for all concerned.
By hopeful101, Montana, United States
As a widow, the person you date will express a natural curiosity about your deceased spouse. And as a widow, you will probably want to talk about your deceased spouse. If your relationship with your new partner looks like it might be going somewhere serious, you should introduce your new partner to your spouse. Spend an evening looking at photo albums, telling stories, or visiting your spouse's grave.
As happy as you and your spouse were together, and as terrible as becoming a widow feels, your life will go on. More than anything, you need to give yourself permission to have joy in your life, alone and with other people. No matter what you believe about what happens to people when they die, your spouse wouldn't have wanted you to be miserable for the rest of your time on earth. While you may never find a replacement for the love of your life, you will need love of some form in your life to live happily.
By Sandiegobabe, California, United States
Give her time to heal before you get involved. I know sometimes this can be difficult but if she is worth it you need to give her time prior to jumping in bed or starting something serious.
By Dmlm0802, New York, United States
Ladies, dating after a break is definitely risky business. After a break up you have to allow your self to get back into your single zone. Depending on the way the break up ended, you'd probably carry animosity to the next thinking all men are the same which they aren't. But if you are going to jump out of one ship and in to the next then make sure you remain very observant. Keep your guards up no matter how sweet it sounds to you. See how into you he really is. Listen for the wisdom in his voice because every wise man has a certain dialect that carries a lot of intelligence and it stands out like a soar thumb.
By divakhloe27, Brooklyn, NY United States
It is difficult for some to get back into the swing of things after a long difficult marriage and divorce. One may have concerns with trusting and respecting others, especially if their previous spouse was "abusive" in some manner or distrusting (cheating/affairs).
Many of us really want to open ourselves back up to those around us, but find it difficult, in fear of being hurt again. It is important to remember that many people prefer to hold off on sexual relationships until after a few meetings (you know, the getting to know you stages). I have personally found in my four months of joining the dating scene, that many opening lines are "So, When can we have sex?!"
This is a big turn off, to some. For a few of us out there in the pond of dating, we prefer to let chemistry work its course. Taking things slow, doing that whole getting to know you better; before we jump into the sack. Relationships are based on sex along with several other things. Those several other things need to occur first some of the fish in the sea.
My advice: take things slow, and let the chemistry of two people work naturally. Don't be so rushed to get into bed (or the back seat) with someone. Lets show a little respect for your potential significant other. Lets get back to the "dating", movies, dinners, social gatherings.... if all is good, the sex will be there and it may be better than you expected.
By zazzikins, East Haven, Connecticut, United States
The question is always , "do I tell him about my ex, and when do i do it??" I always suggest bringing them up after 4-5 healthy dates. And when you do, leave it plain and simple such as, "we dated for 3 years , we just grew apart." Never bad mouth your ex , you wouldnt want them to do that to you and it makes your date wonder if you would do the same about him.
By allimack2, PA, United States
It is stated that the easiest way to put a potential partner of you, is to discuss your ex-partner on your first date. This is enough to indicate that you are still not over your ex and this new relationship is a rebound fling that will more than likely not last longer than 2 weeks.
When you first meet, ensure that it is in a public place and discuss each other. You can discuss interests such as hobbies and adventures. Keep the topics light. Only once you are comfortable with each other can the heavier topics be discussed. Do not volunteer information about an ex as the ex is not there to defend him or herself.
By discreeet, Free State, South Africa
If you just lost a husband/wife, be very sure of what you want, because some people rush into dating after they lost someone. If you are on a break and you want to date a new man/woman then go for it, be very sure of this because you might have feelings for your old flame and be sure that you are actually ready for dating.
By nadine19, Alabama, United States
This is for people who were broken up with by surprise, and the relationship was going well. If someone happens to break up with you, you may go through this phase where you don't want to be bothered and you may not think there's anyone else in the world for you. Questions will constantly run through your head, the number one being "Why?". I would like to say, continue with your life. If it's meant to be, it will be. Don't go forcing yourself one the person who broke up with you, trying to make them love you. If you're "making them love" you, is it real love, and will it last forever? Like I said, if it's meant to be, it will be. I will say that you can try and talk to them, but just don't overdo yourself, and make yourself seem desperate. If they broke up with you, let them come to you. You owe them nothing.
By wheresthelove7, Ohio, United States
Making mental lists of all the reasons an ex was bad, an going over an over in your head the reasons why your better off, can work for the better in some circumstances but the majority of the time it's a way of defending yourself when secretly your heartbroken.. i think its much better to accept the fact you both simply weren't meant to be and it was a lesson to learn from.. its good to be happy for each other and happy that you both have moved on, and that way you don't become bitter an create problems for yourself in future relationships.
By BabyRoxie Liverpool, England - Lancashire, U.K
It's great to learn from past experience, but don't expect the same behaviors, qualities. likes and dislikes-and even motivations from your new partner. That would be incredibly unfair and erroneous. Blanketing her with your ex's 'bio' is short-changing the both of you from a deeper level of knowledge, love, understanding and friendship. And please don't compare your ex to their face. They will not like that. If you must, be vague about where you remembered 'it'. Time to start anew. Each of us is an individual, formed by a lifetime of individual experiences, and, probably like yourself, feels a desire to be known and fully appreciated, especially by their eventual life partner. This is very important.
By sweetgirl60, United States
On a first and second date only focus on you and the intended partner. Ignore the impulse to bring up the past failures with your ex's. Dedicate this special time to get to know your new partner. Remember, the past has already happened and can't be undone. But, belaboring it can destroy the present and future. Use only pictures of you individually, not your ex or part of them, your dog/cat, etc. Remember, it's you that the person is interested in. Include pictures that show you in different circumstances to allow others an opportunity to really see your personality and interests. Don't hide behind pillars/bushes, feathers, etc. If you're self conscious about your look it shows a lack of self-confidence. People don't like to be mislead so if you present yourself accurately and they're still interested, you one step ahead in that department. Also, never include a picture with a name tag on your person, or, company logo/name. That's a safety no-no.